note to self:
the days leading up to the rag are NOT a good time to think about your body shape, weight, eating habits, or overall physical anything.
they ARE excellent days to eat popcorn for lunch because its the only thing that is going to make you feel better.
this is especially true when you are already stressed/tired/bummed about other stuff.
wet n wild makes it reeeeally easy for a broke ass gal to buy like a million new lipsticks without feeling super shitty about it
You know, there’s always been this thought in my head like “you have to be loud and vulgar and abraisive in order to help people understand that you are different” or whatever.
On top of the ever present “you need to be sexually outgoing and provocative in order to help people understand that you are attractive and free”
A part of “adulthood” (and I use quotations because for me, adulthood started only a year or two ago) in my life has been being too preoccupied with real shit that those persistent thoughts fell out of habit. I am now left with this remorse and embarrassment for how much of my life I spent trying to stand out by being sexual or alternative. I am also left with an inappropriately judgmental distaste for that sort of behavior in my wprld.
It is certainly not my place to pass judgement on others for traits that have been cultivated by a disfunctional society, but I cannot even fathom where this mentality comes from and how it is so easily adopted by women.
I feel more confident than ever in regards to who I am. In relaxing and actually considering my sexuality, and my values, and my rebellious nature, I discover that I was pushing so hard in my youth because I did not embody these things after all. As an adult woman, I realize that I did not embody these things because I had never learned what they were. As an adult woman, I am sexual and abrasive and free and loud and attractive and vulgar.
It has come to pass within me. I no longer feel the need to push it at people because I do not give a flying fuck if people see it or not.
FUN FUN FUN