this is SOOO the house from My Neighbor Totoroooo
i always wanted to live in that house, with the cute little stone kitchen and the sliding doors and the bath room
sometimes i feel like i need to just scream and send out a shockwave of energy which would rustle all the leaves on the plants around me and crack the drywall leaving dust in the air when i think about my past in perspective, sometimes it shocks me, stops the breath in my chest that i am alive and moving and wonder if i even am. i always imagined myself to be a husk from one point onward and for a long time i was and i wonder if i still am. deep within my beautiful, glowing, peaceful flesh there is a cavern of dry bones tied together into tiny crosses to mark my so incredible loss.
the thing that freezes my blood in my veins, that pauses and dries the organic world, that causes me to BURST into laughter at the sheer absurdity of it all - is that i am the only one whos blood freezes, whos world dries, whos breath is caught in her lungs.
how am i living at all?
how am i, years later, blood still freezing at the thought, living?
I managed to enjoy the sunshine for a whole 10 minutes before crawling back into my dark, quiet house to ride out this toothache/cold.
#toothache #wisdomteethareevil #sunshine #herecomestheNOPE #allblackeverything #gothicsummer
this is important information, folks
i think it’s pretty hilarious that i leave one relationship because of this crap, only to find myself in a similar situation in my next relationship.
(at least this one comes home to me every night though amirite)
there are people who just… come home after work, make dinner together, maybe partake in a non-stressful activity, and have sex before they get sleepy.
like, what even is that?